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FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™ » FUN CHRONICLE™ » Stock Market Entertainment

Stock Market Entertainment

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Go down  Message [Page 11 of 22]

251Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Juggle Balls Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:53 pm

sriranga


Co-Admin

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.
How?

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.

Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
By Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson
Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

252Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:12 am

sriranga


Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Rich10

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

253Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:44 pm

SL.Market


Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

254Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:12 am

sriranga


Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Captur24

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

255Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:30 pm

Kumar


Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics

@sriranga wrote:Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.
How?

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.

Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
By Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson
Source: via email
Good one.
Thanks.

256Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:53 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Captur28

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

257Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty The international food shortage Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:50 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Recently, a worldwide survey was conducted and the only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about the solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was, not surprisingly, a huge failure. Because:

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And, in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

258Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Career Option Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:42 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Captur26

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

259Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Perfection Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:04 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

A gentleman once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God.

Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, “Do you need two statues of the same idol?”

“No,” said the sculptor without looking up, “We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage.”

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. “Where is the damage?” he asked.

“There is a scratch on the nose of the idol.” said the sculptor, still busy with his work.

“Where are you going to install the idol?”

The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.

“If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?” the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said,

“I know it and God knows it!”

MoralThe desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone appreciates it or not. Excellence is a drive from inside, not outside. Excel at a task today – not necessarily for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction.

Source:via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

260Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Thought For A Day - How to Move on? Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:25 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Conalt10

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

261Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:09 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

Loveable Sri Lankan Cheer Leader..... Percy

By Rex Clementine

The entire team rose up in respect when one of the greatest fast bowler to have played the game Sir Richard Hadlee paid a visit to the Sri Lankan dressing room during the first Test Match in Christchurch. While Hadlee collected a few autographs from the players, he apparently asked Chaminda Vaas how his great pal Percy Abeysekara was. Hadlee has been a great admirer of Percy and had even presented the Sri Lankan cheerleader some of his memorabilia after he saw the Sri Lankan’s knowledge and passion for the game. ‘Percy, don’t lose your voice, Sri Lanka needs it more than you,’ he’s supposed to have written in one of Percy’s autographs.

Many players have had a liking for this cheerleader. His knowledge of the game and its history is second to none and Percy comes up with certain anecdotes that stun you at times. Percy has been a usual visitor to the cricket ground even before the country gained Test status and present day Sri Lankan players call him affectionately ‘Uncle Percy’. No doubt that some of his comments have angered overseas players, but none of them have a had a row with him for they know that Percy doesn’t mean any harm. Today in ‘Outrageous moments of Sri Lanka Cricket’, we look back at some of those unforgettable comments by Percy the legend.

Andy Flower probably was the greatest Test batsman produced by Zimbabwe. He was in terrific form during his country’s tour of Sri Lanka in 2001. Flower had made a big hundred in Colombo in the first Test and at the end of the game, Percy paid him a rich tribute with a poem that indeed would have made any great poet proud.

‘Hey Andy,
You are indeed handy,
When you come to Kandy,
I’ll give you brandy,
But you bring the shandy,
After brandy,
If you try to be chandi
And hit Murali out of Kandy,
I will make you nondi.’


When the dressing room attendant explained Flower the meaning of some of certain Sinhalese words all Flower’s teammates laughed out.
One of the best Percy masterpieces was of course reserved to former Australian opener David Boon, whose appearance reminded you of a smart street fighter. Boon was coming down form the SSC changing room to open batting and Percy quipped in with some carefully selected words.

‘David Boon,
Tasmanian Goon,
Come back soon,
Before noon.’

Good old Boony obliged uncle Percy duly.

In a Test against England in 2001 in Kandy, Sri Lanka had gained the initiative, but Captain Nasser Hussain fought back with all-rounder Craig White and the partnership was frustrating the hosts. Captain Sanath Jayasuriya made a bowling change by brining in Chaminda Vaas and all of a
sudden Percy erupted.

‘Hey Vaasy,
You are Classy,
Now get a wicket for uncle Percy.’


Not much success for Percy this time as Hussain went to get a hundred and England went onto win the Test.

No doubt that Aravinda de Silva has given many thrilling moments for Sri Lanka’s supporters. The pull and the hook were his trademark shots. Early on in his career, while these shots paid rich dividends for the star batsman it also brought about his downfall a few times.

On one such instance as Aravinda headed towards the pavilion Percy shouted.

‘Aravindaa,
Numba hinda,
Api hamoma Dukwinda’


In the early 1980s when New Zealand toured Sri Lanka former all-rounder Lance Cairns, father of Chris Cairns, hammered former fast bowler Vinothan John for 23 runs in the last over of a one-day international and as a disappointed John headed back to the dressing room Percy showed his disappointment.

‘Hey John, why were you born?’

While appreciating Sri Lanka’s cricketers, Percy at times can be harsh on them as well if they weren’t up to the mark. One of Percy’s popular quotes whenever there’s a misfiled is, ‘Percy, has no mercy, for cricketers who are lazy.’

One day, again in Kandy, Percy was going on and on with some of his common remarks such as one above at the end of day’s play when the players’ were warming down. He was probably after a visit to the adjoining Old Trinitians Sports Club as well and as he was uttering the same things over and over again Russel Arnold chipped in and said, ‘Ok, ok Percy now you are boring.’ Percy smiled and instantly shot back. ‘I am boring, but putha your are not scoring.' Even Arnold was amused. Not even a good player like Arnold could put Percy down and after hitting back at the batsman Percy proudly announced

‘Russiyawe Lenin
Balapitiye Percy hamadama kelin.’

Two of Percy’s favourite players are Sachin Tendulkar and Sir Garfield Sobers. In fact he named two of his grandsons ‘Sachin’ and ‘Garfield’ after the two cricketers. But in Colombo, when once Tendulkar got out playing a rash shot Percy was compelled to give one back to one of the greatest players he admired.

‘One fine day, Gavasker came,
Another fine day, Vengsarkar came,
Yet another fine day, Manjrekar came
Today Tendulkar came,
None of the bast---s knew how to play the game.’


Percy is a person who loves the traditions of the sport and may have been hurt when the match fixing controversy embroiled so many leading players including his good friend Mohammad Azharuddin, the former Indian captain. During a warm up game between India and Sri Lanka Board President’s XI at the P. Sara Stadium, Percy frowned at the Indian dressing room and came up
with this beauty.

‘Cricket is a game of gentlemen,
Invented by the English,
Improvised by the Aussies,
Mastered by the Sri Lankans,
And f---ed up by you bloody Indians’


During the pre-Test era, England were playing an unofficial Test in Colombo and off-spinner Jeff Cope was having a difficult time and didn’t look like getting a wicket and Percy hit back.

‘Mr. Cope,
There’s no hope,
Until you call the Pope.’


Captain Tony Greig didn’t like the remark and supposed to have told something nasty to Percy and our man soon took Greig to task.

‘Hey Greigy,
You’ve got your height,
I’ve got my might,
I’ll send you up like a kite,
If the air is right,
And I’ll have you for a bite,
Especially if I am tight.


Every since Percy and Tony have been great friends.

Not only the players, even the spectators have got it from Percy. One spectator who tried to irritate him once shouted, ‘Percy go home!’ Percy hit back immediately asking, ‘Your home?’

Another spectator trying to upset Percy one day shouted ‘Ado Percy pina’. The genius wasn’t bothered and hit back at the troublemaker.

Mama pina,
Bat karanne Sana,
Umbalage amma gona’


Percy truly is a great character. People who see his exterior hardly know what a fine human being he is. He’s got no hidden agendas and derives great satisfaction in supporting the team.Percy truly

262Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:01 pm

Redbulls

Redbulls
Director - Equity Analytics
Director - Equity Analytics

@SL.Market wrote:Loveable Sri Lankan Cheer Leader..... Percy

By Rex Clementine

The entire team rose up in respect when one of the greatest fast bowler to have played the game Sir Richard Hadlee paid a visit to the Sri Lankan dressing room during the first Test Match in Christchurch. While Hadlee collected a few autographs from the players, he apparently asked Chaminda Vaas how his great pal Percy Abeysekara was. Hadlee has been a great admirer of Percy and had even presented the Sri Lankan cheerleader some of his memorabilia after he saw the Sri Lankan’s knowledge and passion for the game. ‘Percy, don’t lose your voice, Sri Lanka needs it more than you,’ he’s supposed to have written in one of Percy’s autographs.

Many players have had a liking for this cheerleader. His knowledge of the game and its history is second to none and Percy comes up with certain anecdotes that stun you at times. Percy has been a usual visitor to the cricket ground even before the country gained Test status and present day Sri Lankan players call him affectionately ‘Uncle Percy’. No doubt that some of his comments have angered overseas players, but none of them have a had a row with him for they know that Percy doesn’t mean any harm. Today in ‘Outrageous moments of Sri Lanka Cricket’, we look back at some of those unforgettable comments by Percy the legend.

Andy Flower probably was the greatest Test batsman produced by Zimbabwe. He was in terrific form during his country’s tour of Sri Lanka in 2001. Flower had made a big hundred in Colombo in the first Test and at the end of the game, Percy paid him a rich tribute with a poem that indeed would have made any great poet proud.

‘Hey Andy,
You are indeed handy,
When you come to Kandy,
I’ll give you brandy,
But you bring the shandy,
After brandy,
If you try to be chandi
And hit Murali out of Kandy,
I will make you nondi.’


When the dressing room attendant explained Flower the meaning of some of certain Sinhalese words all Flower’s teammates laughed out.
One of the best Percy masterpieces was of course reserved to former Australian opener David Boon, whose appearance reminded you of a smart street fighter. Boon was coming down form the SSC changing room to open batting and Percy quipped in with some carefully selected words.

‘David Boon,
Tasmanian Goon,
Come back soon,
Before noon.’

Good old Boony obliged uncle Percy duly.

In a Test against England in 2001 in Kandy, Sri Lanka had gained the initiative, but Captain Nasser Hussain fought back with all-rounder Craig White and the partnership was frustrating the hosts. Captain Sanath Jayasuriya made a bowling change by brining in Chaminda Vaas and all of a
sudden Percy erupted.

‘Hey Vaasy,
You are Classy,
Now get a wicket for uncle Percy.’


Not much success for Percy this time as Hussain went to get a hundred and England went onto win the Test.

No doubt that Aravinda de Silva has given many thrilling moments for Sri Lanka’s supporters. The pull and the hook were his trademark shots. Early on in his career, while these shots paid rich dividends for the star batsman it also brought about his downfall a few times.

On one such instance as Aravinda headed towards the pavilion Percy shouted.

‘Aravindaa,
Numba hinda,
Api hamoma Dukwinda’


In the early 1980s when New Zealand toured Sri Lanka former all-rounder Lance Cairns, father of Chris Cairns, hammered former fast bowler Vinothan John for 23 runs in the last over of a one-day international and as a disappointed John headed back to the dressing room Percy showed his disappointment.

‘Hey John, why were you born?’

While appreciating Sri Lanka’s cricketers, Percy at times can be harsh on them as well if they weren’t up to the mark. One of Percy’s popular quotes whenever there’s a misfiled is, ‘Percy, has no mercy, for cricketers who are lazy.’

One day, again in Kandy, Percy was going on and on with some of his common remarks such as one above at the end of day’s play when the players’ were warming down. He was probably after a visit to the adjoining Old Trinitians Sports Club as well and as he was uttering the same things over and over again Russel Arnold chipped in and said, ‘Ok, ok Percy now you are boring.’ Percy smiled and instantly shot back. ‘I am boring, but putha your are not scoring.' Even Arnold was amused. Not even a good player like Arnold could put Percy down and after hitting back at the batsman Percy proudly announced

‘Russiyawe Lenin
Balapitiye Percy hamadama kelin.’

Two of Percy’s favourite players are Sachin Tendulkar and Sir Garfield Sobers. In fact he named two of his grandsons ‘Sachin’ and ‘Garfield’ after the two cricketers. But in Colombo, when once Tendulkar got out playing a rash shot Percy was compelled to give one back to one of the greatest players he admired.

‘One fine day, Gavasker came,
Another fine day, Vengsarkar came,
Yet another fine day, Manjrekar came
Today Tendulkar came,
None of the bast---s knew how to play the game.’


Percy is a person who loves the traditions of the sport and may have been hurt when the match fixing controversy embroiled so many leading players including his good friend Mohammad Azharuddin, the former Indian captain. During a warm up game between India and Sri Lanka Board President’s XI at the P. Sara Stadium, Percy frowned at the Indian dressing room and came up
with this beauty.

‘Cricket is a game of gentlemen,
Invented by the English,
Improvised by the Aussies,
Mastered by the Sri Lankans,
And f---ed up by you bloody Indians’


During the pre-Test era, England were playing an unofficial Test in Colombo and off-spinner Jeff Cope was having a difficult time and didn’t look like getting a wicket and Percy hit back.

‘Mr. Cope,
There’s no hope,
Until you call the Pope.’


Captain Tony Greig didn’t like the remark and supposed to have told something nasty to Percy and our man soon took Greig to task.

‘Hey Greigy,
You’ve got your height,
I’ve got my might,
I’ll send you up like a kite,
If the air is right,
And I’ll have you for a bite,
Especially if I am tight.


Every since Percy and Tony have been great friends.

Not only the players, even the spectators have got it from Percy. One spectator who tried to irritate him once shouted, ‘Percy go home!’ Percy hit back immediately asking, ‘Your home?’

Another spectator trying to upset Percy one day shouted ‘Ado Percy pina’. The genius wasn’t bothered and hit back at the troublemaker.

Mama pina,
Bat karanne Sana,
Umbalage amma gona’


Percy truly is a great character. People who see his exterior hardly know what a fine human being he is. He’s got no hidden agendas and derives great satisfaction in supporting the team.Percy truly

No doubt he is great.
Thanks SL.Market.

263Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:42 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Thanks SL Market.

264Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty How Various People Search for a Wife Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:17 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor.
Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage.
The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!

Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

265Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty 7 Lovely Logic Sun Apr 22, 2012 1:34 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

1. Make peace with your Past
so it doesn't spoil your Present.

2. What others Think about you is
None of your Business.


3. Time Heels almost Everything
Give the Time,Some Time.

4. No one is the Reasons of your happiness,
Except you Yourself.


5. Don't compare your Life with others,
You have No Idea what their journey is all about.

6. Stop thinking too much,
Its Alright not to know all the Answers.

7. Smile,you don't own
all the Problems in the World.


Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

266Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon Apr 23, 2012 4:52 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

No:207


Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Downlo10

267Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:16 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Nice one SL Market.

268Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:24 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office ... ....but she had a boyfriend...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you $1000 dollars if you let me screw you"
But the girl said "NO
WAY!"


Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down!"
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "What happened?"

She said "The bastard used coins!!"

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it, and getting screwed!

269Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:11 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Ha Ha! Nice way to learn Management.

270Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty The circle of life Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:00 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

At the age of 3, success is not shitting in your pants
At the age of 12, success is having friends
At the age of 18, success is having a drivers license
At the age of 20, success is having sex
At the age of 35, success is having money
………
At the age of 50, success is having money
At the age of 60, success is having sex
At the age of 70, success is having a drivers license
At the age of 75 success is having friends
At the age of 80, success is not shitting in your pant

Joke for the Day

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

“Son, where were you today?”

The son says “At school dad.” Robot slaps the son!

“Ok, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “Ok, it was a porno” cries the son.

“What! When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was” says the dad. Robot slaps the dad.

Mom laughs “HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.” Robot slaps the mom.

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

271Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Clever Signs Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:48 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."


**************************
At a Tyre Store:
"Invite us to your next blowout."


**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************
In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

272Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 11:31 am

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1.. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.


4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC


6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.


7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.


Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.


9. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.



10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness �?"
Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.

273Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 1:19 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Very good one SL Market. Thanks.

274Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Bankers Never Learn Tue May 01, 2012 2:16 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

The reason for the Recession — simplified.

A naked and drunken woman boards a cab in London one night.
The driver keeps staring and does not start the cab.
Woman : Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before ???
Driver : I am not staring at you lady ….. just wondering where you kept money to pay !!

The Moral : That is what most of the Banks failed to do. (i.e.) Assessing repayment capacity before taking exposure !!!


http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

275Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 3:44 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Good one Shri, I hope bankers read this.

276Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Success Fri May 04, 2012 9:59 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Succ10

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Secret10

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

277Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty The Broker and The Dead Donkey Sat May 05, 2012 7:27 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

A broker named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news.The donkey died.”

"Well, then, just give me the money back,” said the broker.

"Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Replied Ben.

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey,” said Jean Paul.

”What ya going to do with him?” asked Ben.

”I’m going to raffle him off,” said Jean Paul.

”You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” uttered Ben.

"Sure can. Watch me. I just won’t tell that he’s dead,” said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happenedwith that dead donkey?”

"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898,” said Jean Paul.

”Didn’t anyone complain?” inquired Ben.

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said the broker
Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

278Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sun May 06, 2012 8:16 am

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Nice one Shri. Thanks.

279Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Business Circle Mon May 07, 2012 11:14 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in a debt ridden town.Lays a Rs1000 note on the table & goes to inspect the rooms.Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay his debt to the butcher.Butcher runes to pay the goat farmer.Goat farmer runs to pay the feed supplier.Supplier runs to pay the prostitute who in these hard times gave her services on credit.Prostitute then runs to pay off her debt to the hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her clients.Hotel owner then lays then Rs.1000 note back on the counter.
The tourist comes down takes his money & leaves as he did not like the rooms.No one earned anything.But the town is not without debt & looks to the future with a lot of optimisim.And that is how the world is doing business today !

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

280Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon May 07, 2012 2:35 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Oh what a cycle it is! Thanks Shri.

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